Wordless Wednesday

My beautiful baby boy with pizza on his face after our first picnic lunch of the year. 

I am mother

I have been working hard to instill confidence in my children and give them a strong believe in their self worth. I think that children learn so much more through the examples they interact with than any words we can direct at them. I also have experienced that because of this they make wonderful mirrors of those around them as they reflect back and put into practice what they are learning through their observations. This is how I came to realize my lack of confidence and self-esteem and quickly adopted a plan to remedy such malady.

I saw my children questioning their choices and actions. I watched them heaitate or straight out decline to participate in events with their peers. I heard them struggle to speak to when addressed. These are certainly not traits I was intentionally teaching them so what was the source of this behaviour?

It took me a long time to identify that what I saw in them was reflective of how they saw me and how they perceived I saw myself. What an eye-opener that moment of revelation was. I knew I had been struggling (still am) but had not recognized the impact this was having on the impressionable little minds in my world. 

The plan was to develop a simple set of affirmative statements that I would say to them (thus providing a positive example) and then have them repeat these affirmations (thereby putting into practice these new concepts). We began with four simple ideas and then I ask an open-ended statement that they are to complete with a positive quality or strength they see in themself. At present, our affirming statements are:

1) You are smart.

2) You are kind. 

3) You are strong. 

4) You are loved. 

They took to this new step in our bedtime routine with incredible ease and with only a few weeks behind us I can already identify changes in behaviour. It has also been a good challenge to me, especially when they decided to turn the open-ended statement back to me. After careful consideration, these are my current affirmations:

1) I am confident. 

2) I am able. 

3) I am deserving. 

4) I am mother. 

I am a work in progress and He is still working on me but I am providing my children with a healthier example and for that I am grateful. 

What are you or would you benefit from intentionally working to improve?

Field trip!

I was able to attend my son's grade 6 field trip to the demonstration forest today. It was a great opportunity for the students to be hands on with their science unit and they even had to use some math skills. I am so thankful it was a sunny day as our trek into the mountains revealed areas of knee deep snow and where the snow had melted we had to traverse mud and slush. Good thing for rubber boots or we would have had wet feet and that does not sound like fun.

I was also very impressed with the students. In comparison with the trip I did with them last year, this was a much calmer and more mature group. It is so nice to see the growth. 

The down side is that it was my daughter's class's turn to present at the liturgy and I missed it. It is often a challenge to arrange life so as to be able to attend as many of the kids events as one can. We really felt that this winter with all the activities and became quite accomplished at the divide and conquer approach. Unfortunately, this still means choosing to miss something. 

Perhaps a mini study on the current parenting challenges I am facing would be in order. I think it might also be quite revealing and help to realign priorities. 

We are back in the city now so until next time...

Let it rain

I look forward to spring for the refreshing feeling that comes with it. After sitting under blankets of snow all winter it feels so good to see everything washed clean by the spring rains. Unfortunately, this year winter seems very reluctant to let loose it's hold on us. Here we are nearly a week into May and I am looking out on a fresh falling of the white stuff and frankly, it feels suffocating. It has been a long hard winter apart from the weather but this lingering dreariness has become almost unbearable. My soul needs renewing and the rains do that for me. So, let it rain!

I am seriously lacking in motivation and optimism and as much as I would rather cocoon myself away from the world I have responsibilities that can not be denied. So I pray for revitalizing rain that I may be able to do life rather than get through it. 

Pi Day and random musings

This past Friday was March 14 or 3.14 aka pi day. It is one of those fun days that are an excuse to do things. For our family that means having pie and other round shaped foods to honour the mathematical concept of pi. So we had MYO pizza pie for supper and apple pie for dessert.

       

Friday was also day two of sick kids. This time it started with a croup cough and congestion accompanied by a low yet persistent fever. I had parent teacher interviews that morning and the kids were off school. Thankfully, I had booked them all back-to-back and so was only gone an hour. The afternoon was quiet as my oldest was invited out with a friend and my eldest daughter had a date with gram. That left me with the two littles who were the sick ones so, after my husband got home and we had lunch they were laid down for naps and we got to enjoy a quiet afternoon to ourselves. We cuddled and watched a few episodes of a tv series we like. Time well spent. We finished the day with our pi themed dinner and then watched The Lorax.

Saturday kids were still sick so it was a low-key morning then I went off to work and hubby had the kids for the afternoon. He did have to get everyone out the door for my oldests hockey game and when I got home from work he had them all down for naps execpt for the sick baby who had slept for a while but woke with a fever, again. More sick cuddles. The oldest was out for the night with friends for a hockey game and we had another quiet night watching a hockey game on TV. The kids will tell you that the bast part about Saturday was that we were puppy sitting a sweet little black Havanese.

    Can you see the little black fluff ball sitting next to boys?

Sunday morning we still had fevered kids so kept things mellow. The only things on our schedule were two games and a team dinner for my son's hockey but he ended up stuck between the bathroom and his bed with an upset tummy. The other kids had all gotten ready so we took them out for a bit as we had all been stuck in the house so much with the little ones being sick. We stopped in at the garden center and began to plan for when the snow finally all melts. The bonus is that we found these beautiful windchimes on sale original price $11.99 marked down to $0.67. I thought they would make great additions to the girls treat bags for their upcoming birthdays and so we picked up a dozen. Total cost $8.44 and I had enough left on a gift card so no money out of pocket.

Then we wandered the hardware store and dreamed about what tile we would replace the linoleum at the front entrance with and looked at deck railings. The kids shared a free bag of popcorn and we all were happy.

Kids went for some quiet time after we got home and we just finished watching Tangled. Time for baths, stories, then off to bed. I am praying for a peaceful night and to wake to healthy kids.

To-do vs Ta-done

Let's start with some honesty: there are days, sometimes several in a row, that I just don't want to do anything. I am lacking in desire and motivation and just taking care of the bare minimum of basics leaves me feeling drained at the end of the day.

There was a season in my life when I underestimated the value of taking care of me and during that time when these slumps hit they would essentially disable me. I would say I wasn't simply dysfunctional but rather I was non-functioning. I chose to shut down (actually in those moments it sure didn't feel like I had a choice, it was shut down or break down). I found myself drifting through the days not accomplishing anything and certainly not contributing positively to my family. I would shush the little voices calling out for their mommy, I would do anything to avoid intimacy of any type with my husband, I would turn down any invitations that would have me interacting with others because when I was in these slumps I would get overly critical and emotionally beat myself up and I didn't want anyone to see my weakness so I hid.

Eventually, I would dig out, often worse for wear, by remembering that I wasn't in it alone and I had a mighty Father who was still fighting for me even when I had quit. After a while I started to recognize the cycle and was able to identify the red flags. Being aware in the early stages has allowed me to side-step that dark pit of despair on many occasions and having a recovery plan has helped me not to dwell in the darkness when I do fall. 

I would like to share one of my techniques with you. If you are a list person, perhaps you can identify with me. I am organized, detail oriented, and I love lists. I write lists for everything: groceries, chores, phone calls to make, emails to send, appointments to book, things I want too read, packing lists, reminders lists...you get the idea. I have even been known to write a list of my lists so I could keep track of what I had lists going for. Crazy right? Well it was this very organization that for the most part helped me to be highly functional that ultimately would send me spiralling downward. 

All it would take was one busy day where I didn't get to check things off my to-do list and the negative self talk would begin. I would tell myself I wasn't good enough and use my unfinished to-do list as evidence, nevermind the fact that my list was highly over ambitious and no typical person would have been able to get it all done.

So, here is my tip to you, or at least this is something I have found that helps me. I still write crazy to do lists but now as soon as I get an inkling of feeling overwhelmed I stop and write out a different sort of list. I call it my Ta-done list and just like the name implies this is where I write down all I have gotten done. This includes all the mundane daily tasks too like getting up and dressed, actually doing my hair, feeding the kids...any and everything little or big task I got done gets a place on my Ta-done list. This simple act helps me to focus on what I did do, even if it wast on one of my other lists to cross out. I did it, it counts.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed, challenge yourself to focus on the Ta-dones, or other accomplishments and take heart that God sees even the littlest of these things and can use it for His glory.

Wordless Wednesday

Oh happy day!

We experienced a beautiful sunny mild spring kind of day. I have been longing for this weather as we have had a very long cold snowy winter. I even got two short walks in today as my daughter had a friend's birthday party to attend and with the moderate temps it was close enough to walk. I was wishing I had thought to wear my rubber boots half way back though as my runners got wet through with the rivers of melting snow. 

The best part of the day was that I found enough motivation to give the kids rooms a good cleaning and made a decent start on the rest of the house too. I have several big projects I would like to complete this spring so I am trying to apply some of that task persistence I talked about yesterday to my weekly cleaning to make time for project work.

Our schedule was a little off today with my focus on cleaning as well as adapting to the time change. As much as I love the refreshment spring brings, I am not a fan of loosing an hour of sleep or of trying to reset the internal clocks of 4 children and myself. In anticipation of a possible rough start to tomorrow, we sat down with the kids after dinner and reminded them of the expectations we have of them for morning routines. We also discussed their after school routines to address some concerns with the report cards that came home Friday and to combat the resurgence of screen time as the activity of choice.

All of this made for a happy day that I hope carries over into the rest of the week.

What ideas do you have to intentionally put happiness into your day?

Rated:TP for Task Persistence

This evening we watched a great hockey game. My son's team had made it to the 3rd round with one loss, meaning one more loss and we were out. It has been a struggle this season, this kids just never quite connected on the ice and it has shown in our game play but they kept at it and we saw our best games this past week. Tonight was no exception. Regular time ended in a 2-2 tie. Still tied after 2 minutes of 4-on-4 and still after another 2 minutes of 3-on-3 and one round of 2-on-2. The parents were so high strung by this time, especially the goalie's mom, and so proud of how our kids were playing. They never quit. It didn't matter how tired they were they were determined and quite literally goal oriented. 6 more minutes on the clock and more 2-on-2 play. We cheered them to the end and even though the result was a loss for us the kids taught us a lesson in task persistence.

I began to consider where in my life I could use a littleTP:

- my coursework 

- my house work, especially laundry

- potty training my youngest

- writing this blog

- intentionally building into my kids daily (I have a phrase that I am doing my best to say to each of them everyday "you are smart, you are kind, you are strong, you are loved.")

Apparently, this is a lesson I needed and I am going to put to practice. I anticipate this will have a positive impact on my daily life.

What areas of your life could use a little TP?

The order of things

I'm almost at the grocery store and I start through my mental check list: reusable grocery bags -check, grocery list - check, quarter for cart - check, club card and airmiles...in my wallet, which is in my purse, which is (looking wildly around while keeping my attention on the road and feeling in all the usual places such as the passenger seat, nope, in basket by my seat, nada, behind basket, zip, hmm must be with the grocery bags behind passenger seat...ok what was I doing before I left, I was on the phone - mental walkthtough of leaving the house...coat, keys, shoes, grab list and bags, open garage, get in van, get off phone, drive away - oh no!! Purse sitting on shelf by washing machine, I forgot to grab it. Have I mentioned that due to an unexpected delay I had 40 minutes to get groceries and have supper on the table by 5 so we could get to my son's potentially last game of the hockey season? No food at home for supper, can't get groceries without money (thankful I discovered missing purse prior to standing at the checkout with groceries rung through and trying to explain myself) but what to do now? Call for pizza :-) I have cash at home I can leave for hubby to pay pizza delivery when I turn around back to home to get the missing purse. That way my family can eat pizza while I get groceries. This buys me another 20 minutes. Disaster averted!

I had plenty of time to think on my extended outing and due to recent events, my mind wandered to my unending endeavours to put things in order.  Much like missing the step of actually picking up my purse, I seem to have a tendency to lay out this perfect plan and then forget a step or do one out of order and suddenly my plan is seemingly useless. I struggle with this almost daily as I face feelings of failure and disappointment then try to restore order by finding one thing I can take control of - completing a specific task, doing some cleaning, cooking, or even moving furniture. This provides me with a fleeting feeling of satisfaction and then I remember, it's not all about my plans. My loving God has much bigger plans for my life and even when I feel that things got out of order He is still in control and I need to step back and let Him be; after all, who better to know the orders of things?

God, help me to keep you first when I am so busy trying to order things in my life and show trust in Your plan by allowing You to have control. 

Reconnecting

Reconnecting...if I had to choose one word to describe what is going on in my life right now this would be it. Much has happened since last I wrote some easy, some happy, some challenging, some sad and all caused me to keep growing.

First, I picked up some part-time work to help keep our finances balanced. Aside from the obvious of making a monetary contribution this endeavour allowed me an opportunity to work on my socialization skills and connect with other adults. It helped me to realize how isolated I had let my life become and I enjoyed the challenge of crafting conversations and making connections with people.

Second, life got busy with the kids fall activities of gymnastics, skating, and hockey. Often hubby and I were working on the divide and conquer method of parenting to make sure everyone was where they needed to be. Winter activities have been the same. I love seeing them progress and learn, then have the space to demonstrate their progress. 

Third, after our wonderful Christmas and time with family the new year greeted us with tragedy. A deadly car crash suddenly took away a very special person from our lives. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend to so many more. Needless to say, the first two months of 2014 vanished as we dealt with our own grief and opened our lives to comfort the family. Our connections to this family are many and deep although in recent years a distance had crept in as all us children moved on with our own lives. Amidst the sadness was the realization that this was an opportunity to reconnect and it has personally challenged me to reconnect in many other areas of my life. 

Reconnecting is not always easy as I am learning through my recent efforts. I have been working hard to be engaged in the here and now, making sure the people I spend time with know how important they are to me. I am consciously choosing to build up my children and to tell them often how much they are loved.  I have also been working on deepening my relationship with my hubby and taking time for just us. 

Friendship is another area I am working to reconnect. I love my family absolutely; however, I have come to see through my time away from them, that I can be a better person for them by allowing myself to connect with others who can feed in to me. Friendship has always been a struggle for me and so it has been easier to simply avoid them.  I was overwhelmed at the services for our lost friend as how many people felt a connection to her. Looking around I realized that with the choices I was making in life I would not have that and resolved to start making some changes and so far it has been pretty good. It is still hard but now I see the value and will continue to work on it.

Oh, I have also decided to look at the possibility of going back to work full-time. This would mean finding the right opportunity and so I have enrolled in a program to ensure I am current on the desirable  qualities. 

So that is where life is right now and in this effort to reconnect I felt it an opportune time to get back to writing.  So, hopefully you will hear from me more and more frequently.